Dream of a Better Car

There's already some wiring problems affecting our car's locks, and it doesn't really have a child lock feature. And sometimes, the windows leak.

But all in all, our Isuzu is still providing us great service.

But a new car is really in the offing, provided we get the means for it. And lately, cars that look cool and sturdy to me are Ford ones (ohmygosh, the only thing we might be able to afford are the seat covers for ford f150!). Hubs dreams of a sedan, Yakee wants a pickup truck and I still want an SUV.

We don't pack light and we're not small people.

Yakee also wants TV/screen in the car and I don't. Watching something would be a road hazard and waste of time to bond during the drive to somewhere.

But oh, I just want a more fuel-efficient (but our car is, actually, and that is such a blessing) and newer/safer model. And maybe something with more holders/trays for cups and what-nots. And a big trunk.

Keep Holding My Hand, Darlings

I posted the following on my FB wall:

 

Bailey: Tucker let go of my hand.
Webber: You know what happens when people let go of your hand?
Bailey: What?
Webber: You get your hand back.

I was crying over this scene in Grey's Anatomy... the mother in me rejoices each time a son lets go of my hand because it validates our parenting (that they are secured enough to feel they CAN explore and let go of my hand)... but it's true what JKR wrote ... in her latest novel, that moments like this feel like a death somehow.

Smugly though, I think Pappie Jojo has a harder time letting go... and I think that's largely because I am still pretty secure about my hold over the boys.

Someday though, someone might find me wailing on some street corner... and I hope they'd commiserate :D

Yakee and Yamee... Mommy doesn't want her hand back just yet.

 

As a SAHM... I literally have to pull a hand away sometimes because Yakee can really be demanding, he will hold a hand hostage while I am doing something else (but usually, when I'm on the computer). And there have been hundreds of times when Yakee ran away from us, eager to explore and just play and defy us.

 

But I don't think I have felt that feeling that I was left. Not yet. Hubs felt that when Yakee came running inside his school without a kiss and a look back. So far, my boys are still mine.

 

But everyday I do feel that slow process of needing less of me and becoming more of a child of this world, of this life.  And there are a dozen moments at least, everyday, when it strikes me again how fast they are growing. They need not be tender moments as well... the other day, Yakee got me curled up in pain because he hit me with his knee on the crotch as he jumped on my lap. He was sorry and I was very sad when I explained to him that he is really growing bigger and cannot jump on laps unannounced anymore because he will hurt someone.

 

And then yesterday, I saw Yamee bounce off the bed and fall flat on his bum... and he didn't cry. he just proceeded on playing rough with his brother (who ends up smothering him with the convertible sofa bed half the time, sigh).

 

Every day, signs of them growing and fluorishing.

 

And yes, sometimes, I wonder how parents can take it... then I realize, I am a parent and taking it.

 

Miracle, is it not?

This SAHM Is Still Fulfilled

Five years after quitting work to devote most of my waking moments to my kids, I realize that I have embraced the SAHM life. There was a time (or I guess, there will always be occasions like that) when I was just so depressed and feeling like I copped out by staying home... but I really feel fulfilled about where I am now.

I am admittedly terrified of the 'official homeschooling' bit that I will be embarking on with Yakee... and looking forward to the parent-child program with Yamee. I am concerned about finances always, and feeling guilty of not being able to contribute there financially. But really, I love the privilege and I love my husband more for letting me mother our kiddos my way... this way.

So, I may not be preparing a personalized portfolio to entice employers or clients with, or power dressing, or talking shop. I may not be discovering the cure for anything nor am I making waves in commerce... but I am involved in two little boys' lives in ways most mothers aren't... or couldn't.

And that's really more than enough.

A Matter of Crush

I will admit to a bad parenting bit... I am allowing our girl neighbor (7 years old)  to babysit my kids for me. Well, generally, they're just playing and I am happy because the kids do not bother me, haha. Sometimes, they'd even hole up in our bedroom and spend an hour there just playing. Sometimes, I get 3 hours straight when the boys are preoccupied with their playmate.

The otehr day though, the girl started talking incessantly about a boy classmate. Sometimes, it even felt like she was making Yakee jealous because she kept telling her what she and the other boy did... how she missed that boy... how she wrote notes for the boy. Yakee barely listens but would sometimes tell stories about his friends too... as if it's a pissing contest of who did what with their other friends.

Cute, right?

But... after an hour of playing in our bedroom (mostly they hide under the bed or chair... and jump on the bed... or make a nest with our pillows) that day, Yakee came down telling me that his friend has a crush on the boy... and that he has a crush on his schoolmate too. I asked which girl he thought he fancied and didn't really react much. Yakee would say later on that he thinks Yamee has a crush on him because his baby brother kissed him.

Ngerks, right?

On one hand... the Waldorf Mom in me doesn't like the introduction of this crush concept... after all, Yakee is only 5. It's great he likes all his friends and does not make special distinctions for the girls. It's great that he can like the girls without it being a big deal.

But that's just it... it isn't a big deal so I shouldn't worry about what the neighbor girl brings to our home (though I suspect she's also bringing with her their school germs, haha). I shouldn't think this is the start of him acting weird and secretive and assigning malice on simple sweet gestures.

Ugh.

But suffice it to say, I was unnerved even if I didn't show it. Haha. Further proof that childhood is so fleeting.

Commercial Post: More on Floors

My friends and I are still talking about ancestral homes and I am still amazed at how floors and walls could stand for centuries just because of the design of a house.

After all, in Balay Negrense, there is a sign saying that it's the great ventilation that allowed the house to breathe and protected it from decay.

And I wonder, are there people building homes with that in mind? Or are they all just going for concrete floors to void issues like rotting wood and termites?

Sigh.

Anyway, I have been on the site of the The Flooring Pros Flooring America for a while now, just drooling over the hardwood floors (love the hickory and maple floors!). The wood laminate flooring options they offer is also not bad, and yes, a lot cheaper!

This reminds me... we still have to troop over to Laong Laan and see if we can salvage some antique wood there for the boys' study table. Hopefully, we can get a door or floor and get that converted into a sturdy table at a price we can afford.

And I really hope there will be a greater intiative of salvaging wood from run-down properties... and more builders will make use of recycled/reused materials. Not only is it cheaper, it's also green.

And yes, I will try not to think of the massive slabs of hardwood they burned in the Ruins...

Twelve Senses Gifts

Hubby, prompted by our son's interest in the stars and the planets and everything about space, bought our son binoculars (a better one than the plastic ones we use for concerts) and this telescope. Then it occurred to him that he'll make a thing of gifting Yakee with something that appeals to his senses.

So, I told him that in Waldorf... there's twelve senses... and he's now good for until Yakee turns 17 :)

But what do you give for some of those senses? Haha. It's easy for the other four obvious senses (for hearing, we shop online at qsc for guitars and amps and maybe a basic drum set; for smell, we get him cologne). Sense of balance is still okay, because that would be what the skateboard will be for. For sense of thought, probably a journal? Sense of warmth... hmmm, probably camping in the mountains?

But well... it certainly makes for interesting future gifts, right? :)

The Gift of My Hands

Lolz... well, I didn't really give my hands to anyone. But making handmade things IS an effort when the eczema is back. I swear. And that's not to give more weight to the gift :)

Like what I posted on my FB, there isn't a perfect hacky sack here. I'd sometimes mess up the crochet or the filling and there are around 5 rejects. But Yakee was in my mind the whole time I was making them. So, in the end... it was like a prayer told in these balls of all my mistakes with him, my struggles, the conversations I have with his angel in my mind... and all the thank-you's for being the sweet little wonderful boy that he is.

And because I have promised him a water bottle holder but never got around to finishing the first one I attempted (used the wrong yarn and it wasn't nice-looking)... I crammed making this in 2 days:

The funny thing though is, his Titas noticed that he was the only one without a water bottle holder so Tita Maricar made him one... using hemp (?) string (that must have hurt, so it's really all for the love) so, now, Yakee has two water bottle holders :)

 

 

I really like that I am now making handmade stuff again... though I feel they won't be appreciated as much as store-bought items (by those who don't value the effort), they offer me an opportunity for stillness :)