Breastfeeding is Not Just a Feeding Issue For Your Baby

Yes... it is very common for breastfeeding moms to get soooo exhausted because their babies do not want to be away from them. They just want to park on our breasts, we cannot even get up to pee. Every time they see us, they only want one thing, and won't even consider playing with us after.

Babies NEED their moms. I think most moms do not really know how much,

If we didn't take care of ourselves while pregnant, where would baby be? Their health and safety was totally dependent on ours. What a responsibility!

And then, if that wasn't enough, here we are, letting them become totally dependent on us after birth. When we do things, how we do things, how long we can be away, what we will wear, eat, do... all will have to adjust to our feeding schedule.

And have I mentioned that we cannot even pee? I have?  Well, imagine going through that almost every day... baby taking hours to settle down and at the first slightest movement to get up and pee, she wakes up and sucks with gusto. If I could pee in a diaper, I would have went that way, I swear.

But in all those hassles hide the truth... that we aren't just food for our baby. In fact, food is the last thing they get and need from us (because, after all, formula HAS been invented already). What are we then?

We are SAFETY, SECURITY and SHELTER, the most imperative of all the needs after food. When we keep holding them close, we tell them that the person they knew in utero is the same person out here that grew them and loved them and whispered prayers for them and dreamed dreams for them. They learn that they belong to us, and we belong to them. They learn they could depend on us.

When we touch them all the time and hold them all the time, we boost their immunity.

When they get our milk, they get antibodies and probiotics... which they don't really understand. They just intuitively know that when they are feeling sick, only our milk helps.

For one to understand that, maybe you can think of critically ill people instead... wherein no drugs can help anymore, but the only thing that can soothe is a loving touch, a loving presence.

We are WARMTH and LOVE and ALL THINGS WELL... for them. Because at our side of the fence, we are all things tired, sleepy, feeling violated and pressed upon. How unfair?

But what we sometimes feel is a drudgery (I will be honest, there were many times I felt it was so much responsibility) is actually God's way of training us to give... sometimes, till it hurts. To keep our eye on the goal. To be patient. To trust. To marvel at God's amazing design. To learn how to unconditionally give and love. To invest in things we may never see (as breastfeeding benefits are lifelong, and we may not be around to know for sure that our daughter did not have breast cancer).

Breastfeeding teaches us about our body's amazing capabilities and redefines what we know of motherhood.

So, despite the tiredness and tears and lack of sleep... when your baby demands for you, know that she is turning to you to satisfy a deeper hunger. Not one for food but for a need to know that AAL IZZ WELL (sorry, 3 Idiots fan).

This is a privilege, not just a responsibility. Because, sooner than we think, our babies will have grown up into self-assured kids exploring the world... and the most that we can do for them is guide them. We will not be HEAVEN for them forever.

On Celebrities Endorsing Milk and Our War Against Underhanded Marketing Strategies by Milk Companies

This may very well be a loooong post and yes, biased FOR breastfeeding. Hopefully though, this will explain why breastfeeding advocates are against celebrities (and by this, I mean politicians, TV/movie/ad/music/sports personalities, anybody else famous or with name recall, etc) endorsing milk as a strategy employed by milk companies.

As a backgrounder, a popular celebrity family recently posted that they are giving away a year's supply of powdered milk (their firstborn's milk) for some contest (I think) which greatly saddened breastfeeding advocates. Here are the thoughts that ran through my head while I was feeling frustrated over this:

follow-on milk / toddler milk / preschooler milk/ adult milk is unnecessary

I swear, it is a fact. Nowhere in the existence of man was it necessary for humans to be dependent on milk beyond infancy (which ends when babies hit 1 year old) for nourishment. But yes, the worldwide average for weaning is closer to age 4, mainly because that is also the time a human being stops making lactase, the enzyme that digests the lactose in milk. Toddlers also benefit from the  antibodies and probiotic in their momma's milk as they explore more of this world. 

But here's a crash course for you. When the Americans came (you know, that time in our history when they colluded with Spain and drew up a mock battle but actually bought the Philippines for around 20 million dollars? Remember now?), they wanted to create a market for their goods. One thing they brought in was formula. And since Filipinos are very accommodating, we gobbled their "wisdom" up that formula is superior milk. 

Fast forward to now, the Milk Code has regulated commercials of formula/milk for kids 3 years and below. Unfortunately, in the hundred years it has been sold here, milk companies are now earning at least P40B yearly. Yes, we made for a lucrative market. From a culture where breastfeeding was the norm, even for toddlers, we became milk guzzlers instead. What is worse, there is now that prevalent thinking among the common folk that formula milk is better and "only the poor" nurse their own babies.

But the fact is, what humans need for life is CALCIUM, not milk. And as much as milk companies say their products provide calcium, the truth really is the cow's milk (where these products are mostly derived from) leeches off calcium from our bones. Why? Because it is meant for calves! It just becomes this acidic mess in our guts. And the pasteurization that strips it of bacteria also removes the enzymes which will allow humans to digest it.Unfortunately, pasteurization does not remove the hormones fed to cows that were milked for our powdered milk. 

So, again... what is a formula company to do if it cannot advertise for their formula? Create follow-on milk instead. Now, they have toddler milk, preschool milk, regular milk, pregnant mom's milk and milk for old people. The milk companies created a DEMAND for it by putting the idea across that we need it.

But WE DON'T! 

We need calcium! 

But their powdered milk is fortified with Iron! Of course, because drinking cow's milk makes a person iron deficient. How? It causes micro bleeding in the gut (because we are digesting food that is meant for a 4-compartment stomach) and interferes with iron absorption. 

In other words, parents giving their very young kids milk are contributing to potential anemia and lactose intolerance for them. 

Some studies already suggest that pregnant and breastfeeding mothers who drink milk/take in other allergenic food while pregnant/breastfeeding increase the chances of their babies developing skin allergies. And yet, more and more OBs are prescribing formula milk for mamas. 

But how many of the educated population know of this truth about milk? And how many of the marginalized?

do the Math!

A P40B (and more) industry spends around P1B to market its products yearly. Marketing includes giving away samples, wooing doctors (who will give away the free samples OR prescribe the products), paying for print and TV ads.

Meanwhile, as per Milk Code, breastfeeding groups are limited in who they can approach to sponsor breastfeeding classes and events. Breastfeeding does not provide livelihood (except for Nanay Ines' Arugaan community of wet nurses and massage therapists) and will certainly not make anyone rich. 

enter the celebrity endorsers and strategists in milk companies

Milk companies often target celebrity endorsers with a child who is still more likely breasfeeding. Why else would they have gotten Judy Ann Santos and Claudine Baretto before to promote preschooler milk after  these celebs just had babies? I mean, surely, these celebs' adopted kids were already capable of drinking milk even before there were babies in the house. But no, let us wait until they've just given birth a few months before. Right?

Why would they approach Gladys Reyes, of the "thank God I was breastfeeding because we were stuck in our terrace/rooftop during Ondoy" fame to endorse preschooler milk while she also had an infant (and breastfed child during Ondoy is now the one supposed to THRIVE on powdered milk)? 

Why would they approach a family with some 2 million followers on FB, a source of inspiration to so many people, to hold a contest and provide a year's supply of the powdered milk their firstborn drinks (which is a potential Milk Code violation)?

Oh and have you noticed how they present their commercials for these follow-on milk? 

Child isn't eating right, but fortunately there's this powdered milk that gives all the nutrients listed in the food pyramid. 

Child is thriving, and fortunately there is this powdered milk that helps meet his needs. 

You are being prepped to buy either way. But again, do they tell you that the milk they advertise also compromises your child's health? Do you see or hear somewhere in the ad that this milk may worsen the common cold because it is mucus-forming and that cow's milk is top on the list of highly allergenic food? No?

now, let's do better, pro-Filipino Math

Let us say a celebrity endorser gets paid a million pesos (at least) for a milk ad. That buys them what? A trip abroad? A home extension? More money to invest? New clothes? 

Now, let's assume that because she is a celebrity, she can influence people's choices. Follow-on milk will cost a middle-income family between P2,000-3,000 monthly. That is about one to two weeks' worth of wet market allowance for my family of five (this includes our helper, and yes, we generally eat healthy so that is mostly for fish and veggies). That means, for middle income families, money that can be used for the rest of the family is just being used for one. Or, money that can be saved instead is being used on milk alone. And if there is an infant, money that can be used for that infant't vaccinations is being used to buy milk for the older sibling. 

See how it can be a recipe for poverty?

Meanwhile, for already struggling families, shooting for follow-on milk for a child may be suicide. But it happens. Instead of JUST feeding a child cooked food, they will prepare milk no matter how diluted, or break their backs to earn money to buy milk (leading to compromised health). More unfortunately, the marginalized do not think past the celebrity and milk and hype. They do not note that this is follow-on milk NOT MEANT for infants, all they hear is the jazz (intelligence! strong bones! edge! etc ). And since such is a recipe for diarrhea and malnutrition, how do we compute the cost now?

And what does the milk sales bring milk companies? New cars, condos, buildings and businesses for their main stakeholders.

But don't milk companies employ Filipinos? Yes, they do :)  Let's say around 2,000 families are benefited by salaries and free milk. And I am pretty sure those families feel grateful for the employment. Thus, shouldn't our government be indebted to them? Uhmmm... not really since there are 16,000 deaths annually that can be traced to wrongful formula feeding and diseases directly addressed by breastfeeding. Click here for other costs of formula feeding (just in case you want to add in your computation the funeral costs for those 16,000 deaths). Please also try computing the cost for sick leaves for when mothers have to care for sick kids. Trips to an allergist takes all day, after all. And gastric episodes mean long days AND nights. 

I don't know about you but I will never think 16,000 deaths YEARLY  is a price worth paying to keep 2,000 families happy. 

some more reality check, please

Celebrities are generally RICH already by a regular man's standards. Most of them breastfeed even because they are educated enough to know of the benefits.When their children gets sick, they can afford the best doctors, the best treatments, the best supplements. They can afford organic food. They can afford nutritionists if need be. They can afford the best schools, the best tutors, the best learning systems to ensure smart kids. 

And some of them do not even really use the products they endorse. Ssshhh. 

But us mere mortals, we are lucky if we have an HMO for checkups and emergency hospitalizations. And the poor? Why, good luck if they even get a turn at the nebulizer in a government hospital when they are having an asthma attack. 

with great power comes great responsibility

While we cannot take away a celebrity's right to want to earn a living, and sell whatever they can for a brighter future (and in this, I mean name, reputation, service, etc)... we advocates also cannot help but wish that more of them will think of the repercussions of their actions because nothing ends after the shoot and the ad is shown. The damage happens after, in areas they will never even dream of going to, to families they will never meet. 

When a celebrity says that she is giving her picky eater milk to keep him healthy, parents in other homes do the same, instead of improving their discipline and training their child to eat healthy.

When a celebrity says that all her kid wants is junk food (and since she allows it, it must be okay) so giving milk at least makes her child healthy, other parents do the same... instead of again, keeping junk food out of the home.

When celebrities promote a brand, their fans do not see them as entrepreneurs earning big bucks for said ad but as the beloved character they loved and supported. 

a choice based on lies cannot be an informed choice

There are enough documentary videos and interviews that point to milk ads for turning breastfeeding families into mix feeding and purely formula feeding families. There are enough commercials that have swayed families into continuing to give milk to kids, some of whom have yayas outside their schoolrooms to prepare milk in feeding bottles! Mothers and in-laws will even recommend/impose certain brands because their idols "said" it makes for better brain development or stronger builds.

These choices are based on lies. And because these aren't informed choices, breastfeeding advocates cannot honor them by staying quiet while more families get financially and health compromised.

I posted this as comment on Breastfeeding Pinay:  If you are educated, think for yourself and have options (by virtue of income and connections) then be grateful that you aren't part of the 60-70% of the population who cannot make the same informed choices that you can. And it is the marginalized and ignorant WE (advocates) are protecting and giving a voice to, which will also mean that we will forever frown over such practices.

breastfeeding is not just a feeding issue, it is a public health issue

I will admit, a judgmental part of me wonders how these celebrities can sleep at night :D  (Because I am already assuming the milk companies to be purely motivated by earnings)

I was reminded by a friend that not everyone are like us. That translates to so many things.

Not all these moms know what we know. Ignorance, as they say, is bliss.They may still be really nice people but they also might not care as much as we do for the things that we do care about... like child health, and maternal health and the environment. After all, not all of us are meant to further breastfeeding advocacy. Some will build NGOs for education, some will help pastor families, some will help in drug rehab. 

They may be religious but not fully realize that they can effect better change.

But most probably, they, like most of the population, think of breastfeeding as JUST a feeding issue. So, they think of formula and follow-on milk as JUST modern options to feeding a baby/child. They do not see that unless it is medically necessary, formula and follow-on milk do more harm than good. They see milk as something that is purely ingested and nourishes now, and not something that stays in a person to give them allergy and cancer protection (in the case of breastfed toddlers) or increase their risks for diabetes (for children under 5 drinking cow's milk). 

But you, if you have stayed with me down to here... I hope now you know better. And will understand why we cannot support celebrities endorsing milk and fume over the companies that pay them exorbitant amounts they cannot ignore. Formula has its place in the great scheme of things. Follow-on milk? Not so much. Good, locally-produced food is better. And in the fight FOR PUBLIC HEALTH, I wish more celebrities will use their influence for the greater good. 

*~* Meanwhile... inviting you all to these events!!!

 

We Cannot Outgive God in Breastfeeding

(I have not blogged for a long while but I have vowed to commit to it again. And what better way than to start the first day of the second half of the year with a reflective  post on breastfeeding, as part of preparing for Breastfeeding Month in August)

There is not one Feast that I do not hear words that resonate with me where I also do not think of how it applies to breastfeeding. Last Sunday, as we were being pep talked into serving, I heard these words: We Cannot Outgive God.

As a LATCH Counselor and BFP Admin, I try to remind mothers that breastfeeding will require a lot from them but the benefits are long term. I even always say, do the Math. Breastfeed for two years and reduce your child's allergy risks for life or give in to formula now and deal with allergies earlier/all your child's life. Breastfeed for two years and reduce mother and baby cancer risks or tempt fate and don't.

Breastfeeding requires a mother to give in a way that is very exhausting, draining, and every moment. Apart from the lack of correct info and support, I think what stumps a lot of moms is the fact that their baby needs them physically for soooo much everyday that they feel like slaves sometimes to a baby's needs and demands. After all, a working Mom can work away from home and earn the money to pay for the child's vaccines, clothes, treats, etc (things a baby also needs). But a breastfeeding working mom will have to find time to pump, ensure the milk won't spoil, etc. Any other mom can just do the chores but a breastfeeding mom will have to stop doing chores for a while and nurse.

But the thing is, when we moms breastfeed, we are doing God's work. After all, He made us mammals :) We are destined to nurse our young as sure as our young were created to feed from us. And whenever we give of our time, our bodies to our little ones, God outgives us.

God makes sure the baby communicates to us what it needs to be given to ensure its health... even before it could talk. (Enteromammary Pathway)

God makes sure our milk is perfectly made, with all the right nutrients, at the right temperature.

God makes sure that our milk does more than nourish, it also protects. And the gut protection our babies receive are lifelong, making them better able to deal with the preservatives and pollution of this world.

God makes sure we benefit as well, because we invoke reduced risks for certain diseases as we do the same for our child.

God makes sure each family need not be unduly compromised financially, and that its other members need not go without food just to feed a baby.

God alerts us the minute a virus gets into our baby's system or when we have not been mindful of their needs (they feed more).

God allows us to be enough for sick toddlers who refuse to eat.

And while all these is happening, our babies literally grow in faith (for this world) in our arms, but remain the right size to nurse from us. How amazing, isn't it?

Alas, such outpouring of grace requires a surrender to Him, however. A surrender to His design, His system. Unfortunately, because of "modern culture", many aren't that open to this truth.

Breastfeeding is not something one really volunteers for, wherein you quit when it is no longer convenient.
Breastfeeding is not a burden to be a slave to, something totally against our will, something we are forced to do, something we do not find happiness over, something that will never uplift us.
Breastfeeding is service, something we do for God because we love Him and because we are grateful to have been blessed with child. We do it with humility and gratitude, and we celebrate its rewards.

Mommies everywhere... we do not breastfeed because we like not having our bodies to ourselves, or that we like having our boobs out, or that we like to leak, or we like to be subjected to critical looks/being chased away from establishments in public, or that we like losing more sleep than we have to, or we like sore nipples and fatigued arms/backs.

Mommies everywhere... us breastfeeding advocates do not fight for every mother and child's right to breastfeed because we like our efforts being undermined by milk companies, or we like being called fanatics, or we like being called judgmental, narrow-minded, etc. We do not like sitting in boring meetings or making-nice with corrupt politicians, or counting the progress we make at a snail's pace.

We do this because we are committed to the truth of God's love for us. We do this because we love our children. We do this because we see our children's faces in other children. We do this because we care about the environment and how families eat. We do this because we want to save lives.

We are not slaves to breastfeeding. It's just that the rewards may take a while... especially if you aren't looking :)  But whatever we give of ourselves in breastfeeding, trust that we receive tenfold.

Ai Designs

My friend just recently launched her homebased business. She started by offering personalized gift tags at her shop https://www.facebook.com/aiaiaidesigns. I don't think she can already offer a multitude of printing requirements and options (like online envelope printing) yet but it's really a great start and her designs are impeccably classy and uncluttered.

I am blogging about her because it has been over two years since she egged me to write a breastfeeding storybook for my birthday... and I did. But I have yet to even submit it to anybody. Meanwhile, she, without meaning to, has launched an online business already.

Talk about taking risks and realizing dreams.

I should be more like her. 

It's my biggest struggle now... coming to terms with old and new dreams and embracing the fact that I did not stop being a person with my own wishes and talents just because I became a wife and mom.

Taming My Fire

I am being more inspired by CCF and a homeschooler shared the rough draft of her manuscript on parenting gems... and for a week now, I have been really calmer.

And in just three days of choosing to follow the book's gems, I noticed a change in my kids already. A huge one. We had an exhausting weekend though and there were moments when I felt like giving in to my temper, but I still let calm prevail... and Yakee has been overflowing with positive response. So much so that when I did get angry (without shouting) last Sunday, he readily apologized and cooperated from then on.

Yamee... he is mostly cooperative :)

Most of the gems in the manuscript, I already practice and know. It was the calm that I never really aimed for, feeling I had a right to be angry all the time. So, this time, I have that for a goal.

And I am happier... because it has allowed me to manage the homeschooling better. Of course, I have much to improve on (like getting enough rest) but I am glad that now, I am feeling more empowered to manage the two. And we've had a week of blessed calm.

*~*

Yakee keeps telling me how much he loves homeschooling and how much he loves me. He is always profuse with thanks... one of the perks of really having to give of myself and my time.

My Age Doesn't Matter Anymore

A friend posted this on FB:
In about a month, the boy and I will be celebrating our birthdays and I have to say that while turning 36 doesn't faze me one bit, my son turning 7 is a little bit depressing.

Sigh... Yakee will turn 6 four days after I turn 36. Yamee will turn three a few days before hubby will turn 37. Our birthdays have ceased to be our own because we had kids to share them with. But what my friend said  resonated so well with me.

More like, they're heartbreaking.

Nowadays, I can't seem to stop myself from saying how we don't have a baby anymore... as Yamee is all grown up (at 2) and defiant. And I look at Yakee and keep seeing the handsome man he will grow up to be, and I can't help but see visions of girls competing for his attention and loyalty.

Sometimes, I think, I even delay mentoring him because I want to preserve just a little more dependence on me, just a little more need of me. I know, it's soooo bad and mean of Mommy.

I think Yakee is feeling the growing up too... because he's been asking more and more to sleep in the big bed again, or for me to meme (caress) him while he sleeps if I wake up in the middle of the night. I think, unconsciously, he knows that babyhood is no more... at least for him.

How fast the five or so years have gone by, looking at them from here. But while living them, they felt every bit of the five years. So, it's really hard to explain the why of this sentimentality... then again, other parents will just understand. They've gone through the same.

Wishful Thinking for Summer Programs

Summer's upon us, and homeschooling dictates that Yakee be entitled to an enrichment class outside the home... so, here I am again thinking about the things that I really want him to take up.

Baking and cooking will be a plus, because then he'd really be more helpful in the kitchen. The Waldorf mom in me doesn't want him pursuing musical insruments yet, but getting acquainted with fun ones will be nice. I don't care if that paves the way to me shopping at Kramer Guitars at music123 in the future (because heaven knows boys don't stop with ukeleles). I'd love for him to do more gardening and woodworking... and of course, he will have swimming lessons again.

I'm also thinking about soccer (but I am not sure he's ready for competitive sports) or wushu (because he at least likes to jump a lot). Arts will also be nice... and maybe theater.

But where oh where that doesn't toll on us logistically nor conflict with his swimming lessons?

Men Aren't Idiots

There was a time in my life when I thought that men were idiots... that they were pretty much useless without women raising them challenging them, supporting them and lifting them up. I was that kind of 'feminist' for a while... and I 'hated' them a little bit for being 'mean' to women throughout history.

But somewhere along the way, I grew up. I started preferring to be called a humanist. I started getting to know more and more men who are great husbands and fathers and sons.

And then, I married the gentlest, most loving man ever.

And then, we had boys.

So, on one hand, I have embraced that men and women are innately different from one another. Where we lament a man's inability to multi task, men lament the fact that our efforts don't result in greatness because our concentration is always divided. Where we lament their inability to express emotions, they lament that we have made it a sport.

And then, somewhere down the line, it became cool for women to be into 'manly pursuits' (like gaming) and men pursued nurturing roles (like babywearing).

But more importantly, as friends have made me realize and pointed out... I cannot call men idiots because I married one. And I am a mother of sons who will grow up to be men, and I don't want any woman out there thinking they're too good for my sons. Because I know my sons... they are good boys and they were loved. And I struggle everyday to raise them right.

***

On that note... tonight ended horribly for us all. Both kids have been very disobedient since yesterday... there have been falls (Yamee), spanking (both), lots of withdrawn privileges... and tears... and sleeplessness.

Sigh.

If I am wrong, God, make my heart right.

Breaking Down

Haha... notice the pun? Well, for a while there, I did feel a little undead... as if life has been sucked out of me.

Sigh.

I broke down and cried to hubs. I still think it was mostly hormones (got a bad headache) that resulted in kids acting up and me not wanting to deal and everything just going downhill from there. I had to spank Yakee (and make sure it hurt) for talking back because I threatened on throwing all the toys they were refusing to pack away. I admit, I have been a little permissive with the talking back, because I generally try to understand where he's coming from and keep in mind that he just needs to learn to express frustrations better. Still, and it will seem unfair to Yakee, he has to be kept in line otherwise his younger brother would follow suit... and before I know it, I might have to smack two mouths instead of one.

I texted hubs that next time Yakee does it (with malice), I will really wash his mouth and he will be banned from our bedroom for maybe two nights. That prompted hubs to go home with a feeling of dread because he thought that was happening tonight. Hahaha. Over dinner, he suggested timeout from toys but I said that it's not a logical consequence for talking back and being very disrespectful. He has to feel that I felt disrespected and hurt and such feelings resulting from his behavior will put him on timeout away from the nurturing space of our bedroom and nightly rituals.

Yakee did say sorry and we did try to process what happened... and we did end the day in a loving note.

Anyway... I broke down after looking around and seeing our home so messy and dirty and in disarray. Haha, yes, I cannot have stressed that enough. And earlier, I was also faced with having to do laundry and I just felt so tired and useless. So, I broke down.

I decided to sleep everything off and was probably asleep by 10 pm... but woke up at past 2 am. I ended up cleaning downstairs, setting things and toys to right (man, I'd love to have those video wall mounts and more hanging shelves that I need not sweep around) and making sure the boys can freely roll around the floor again later.

Sigh.

Still A Mom

Just not much of a blogging mom lately though.

I  just don't have the energy!!! Chores and policing the boys occupy my days that I even feel sometimes that I can't breathe. Sigh.

But the past few days have been better than most days, despite my eczema acting up and having to run errands with the boys to banks and payment centers. I have learned to let them settle their battles more, insist on cleanup and not shout as much. I am trying to pander to their respective emotional/moral development to make my discipline more effective.

But I think, in the end, what really helped calm me down was hubby asking... HOW DO I DO IT? Spend my days with them, with the same and different issues, attend to their needs, attend to chores, etc.

My response was... well, they have to be done and nobody else will do it.

So, I do it. Not perfectly, and not even really well. I just do what I can.

Hopefully though I can improve fast so I can really integrate more structure and homeschooling into our days.

Stage Mom

Yakee was coin bearer at my cousin's wedding. I was so looking forward to him donning Converse shoes with a suit (really dropped the vest as it was an 11 AM wedding).

And yes, I dare say, he was the handsomest (little) man at the wedding.

Now, there was a point where we were running super late and I had to ask hubs to drive the rest of the entourage ahead... while I wait for some people and take a cab. I was soooo harassed then and really upset. I knew I was very transparent. But the thought that my firstborn would walk that aisle without me watching him was just painful for me... haha. As if I was missing a milestone.

And then it brought home the reminder that someday, my sons would leave hubs and I as he cleaves to his wife. It's always been said that you lose your sons when they get married, but those with girls gain a son when their girls get married.

I'd like to gnash teeth and react violently BUT... would I really some girl of the same fidelity, allegiance and devotion that hubby is showering me?

Of course, not. So yes... someday, hopefully I will watch my sons wait by the altar for the woman of their dreams. And I will let them be.

No to HK

Some discounted fares for Clark - Hong Kong - Clark just came up for the months of January to March 2013. It's around P6k per person and that's really a sweet deal already (though if you ask me, I really don't fancy having to go to and fro Clark before/after a trip).

It gave me pause! Haha.

I have always dreamed of going there in February, when it's coldest and you get to wear leather coats and Gaerne boots and you breathe steam and get red in the cheeks. Haha.

Then again, when I think of the luggage (and expense for those kind of clothes), that dream loses it's charm.

And well, there is that planned trip to Marinduque for the Moriones festival in March... so we really don't have travel budget for HK now. Plus, hubs and I have also agreed that we'd just throw the kids a Jollibee party when Yakee turns 7... and use the rest of the money for the HK return as opposed to doing the catered thing that's more expensive.

So, yes, no to HK for now :)

Keep Holding My Hand, Darlings

I posted the following on my FB wall:

 

Bailey: Tucker let go of my hand.
Webber: You know what happens when people let go of your hand?
Bailey: What?
Webber: You get your hand back.

I was crying over this scene in Grey's Anatomy... the mother in me rejoices each time a son lets go of my hand because it validates our parenting (that they are secured enough to feel they CAN explore and let go of my hand)... but it's true what JKR wrote ... in her latest novel, that moments like this feel like a death somehow.

Smugly though, I think Pappie Jojo has a harder time letting go... and I think that's largely because I am still pretty secure about my hold over the boys.

Someday though, someone might find me wailing on some street corner... and I hope they'd commiserate :D

Yakee and Yamee... Mommy doesn't want her hand back just yet.

 

As a SAHM... I literally have to pull a hand away sometimes because Yakee can really be demanding, he will hold a hand hostage while I am doing something else (but usually, when I'm on the computer). And there have been hundreds of times when Yakee ran away from us, eager to explore and just play and defy us.

 

But I don't think I have felt that feeling that I was left. Not yet. Hubs felt that when Yakee came running inside his school without a kiss and a look back. So far, my boys are still mine.

 

But everyday I do feel that slow process of needing less of me and becoming more of a child of this world, of this life.  And there are a dozen moments at least, everyday, when it strikes me again how fast they are growing. They need not be tender moments as well... the other day, Yakee got me curled up in pain because he hit me with his knee on the crotch as he jumped on my lap. He was sorry and I was very sad when I explained to him that he is really growing bigger and cannot jump on laps unannounced anymore because he will hurt someone.

 

And then yesterday, I saw Yamee bounce off the bed and fall flat on his bum... and he didn't cry. he just proceeded on playing rough with his brother (who ends up smothering him with the convertible sofa bed half the time, sigh).

 

Every day, signs of them growing and fluorishing.

 

And yes, sometimes, I wonder how parents can take it... then I realize, I am a parent and taking it.

 

Miracle, is it not?

This SAHM Is Still Fulfilled

Five years after quitting work to devote most of my waking moments to my kids, I realize that I have embraced the SAHM life. There was a time (or I guess, there will always be occasions like that) when I was just so depressed and feeling like I copped out by staying home... but I really feel fulfilled about where I am now.

I am admittedly terrified of the 'official homeschooling' bit that I will be embarking on with Yakee... and looking forward to the parent-child program with Yamee. I am concerned about finances always, and feeling guilty of not being able to contribute there financially. But really, I love the privilege and I love my husband more for letting me mother our kiddos my way... this way.

So, I may not be preparing a personalized portfolio to entice employers or clients with, or power dressing, or talking shop. I may not be discovering the cure for anything nor am I making waves in commerce... but I am involved in two little boys' lives in ways most mothers aren't... or couldn't.

And that's really more than enough.

Commercial Post: More on Floors

My friends and I are still talking about ancestral homes and I am still amazed at how floors and walls could stand for centuries just because of the design of a house.

After all, in Balay Negrense, there is a sign saying that it's the great ventilation that allowed the house to breathe and protected it from decay.

And I wonder, are there people building homes with that in mind? Or are they all just going for concrete floors to void issues like rotting wood and termites?

Sigh.

Anyway, I have been on the site of the The Flooring Pros Flooring America for a while now, just drooling over the hardwood floors (love the hickory and maple floors!). The wood laminate flooring options they offer is also not bad, and yes, a lot cheaper!

This reminds me... we still have to troop over to Laong Laan and see if we can salvage some antique wood there for the boys' study table. Hopefully, we can get a door or floor and get that converted into a sturdy table at a price we can afford.

And I really hope there will be a greater intiative of salvaging wood from run-down properties... and more builders will make use of recycled/reused materials. Not only is it cheaper, it's also green.

And yes, I will try not to think of the massive slabs of hardwood they burned in the Ruins...

The Gift of My Hands

Lolz... well, I didn't really give my hands to anyone. But making handmade things IS an effort when the eczema is back. I swear. And that's not to give more weight to the gift :)

Like what I posted on my FB, there isn't a perfect hacky sack here. I'd sometimes mess up the crochet or the filling and there are around 5 rejects. But Yakee was in my mind the whole time I was making them. So, in the end... it was like a prayer told in these balls of all my mistakes with him, my struggles, the conversations I have with his angel in my mind... and all the thank-you's for being the sweet little wonderful boy that he is.

And because I have promised him a water bottle holder but never got around to finishing the first one I attempted (used the wrong yarn and it wasn't nice-looking)... I crammed making this in 2 days:

The funny thing though is, his Titas noticed that he was the only one without a water bottle holder so Tita Maricar made him one... using hemp (?) string (that must have hurt, so it's really all for the love) so, now, Yakee has two water bottle holders :)

 

 

I really like that I am now making handmade stuff again... though I feel they won't be appreciated as much as store-bought items (by those who don't value the effort), they offer me an opportunity for stillness :)

Sprucing Myself Up

Last Monday, I went to Divisoria and bought two new tops. I am recently having issues with most of my tops because they either don't fit me well or flatter me at all. Not that it's easy to flatter a rectangular shape, haha. Maybe I should get some brave belts to create the illusion of a waist.

I also just got a massage... and still owe myself a proper foot spa and pedicure. And a professional body scrub :)

I also recently bought new shorts and hair ties just because I realized my sons shouldn't grow up with a slob of a Mom as mother image.

Heaven bless them though, they love me to bits. Yakee would keep popping up when I'm sleeping (which is annoying, yes) just to tell me he loves me :D

I just hope I'd stop being sick now... sigh, so I can rock my new clothes in high heels this weekend.

To Whom I Spanked Today

This goes out to my two boys, who I spanked with our spanking stick for the same crime, for the first time.

Know what? I was annoyed and getting tired already... but I really wasn't that mad yet. But something told me it was a good opportunity to spank the two of you for making things hard for Mommy, who was preparing things for our afternoon nap.

I think, most people would have found me so mean... you were just having fun after all. You were just laughing and playing. The thing is, you were both not heeding my requests and you were both making the work twice as hard for me. That's not funny. And I did not see any of you paying attention to me. That's unacceptable. And I saw you fueling each other's inattentiveness.

So, I got the spanking stick and hit you both with it.

I know you were both hurt (it wouldn't be spanking if it didn't hurt) but I also gathered from your expressions that you were more shocked... and maybe even offended. Because this was a new experience, that both of you got in trouble for what you were doing.

But that's just it, darling boys. There will be many more occasions wherein you'd both be so high and in the moment of whatever it is you're up to... which may also result in trouble, danger or pain.

I want you to start ppolicing each other somehow.

It's just really unacceptable that both of you won't be listening and obeying.

Yakee... it may be unfair that I have to be more exacting of you, but you are your younger brother's hero... his role model.

Yamee... just because Kuya is doing something, or is engaged in something, doesn't mean you can forget who the authorities are in your life.

I love you both, my precious boys, and it is really only because I love you that I discipline you.

I may have been wrong for what I did today... but I hope the fact that you are loved and prayed for will help you grow up good.

Aim for Progress, Not Perfection

The title of this post came from something a Mom said in her book, "Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry by Katrina Kenison" when she was discussing mealtimes. This was shared to us by our main moderator at our Parents Circle Meeting to cap our Family Meals topic last Monday.

It resonated so much in me, because it is something most parents forget. Something I always forget. In all discipline issues, we expect learning and transformation to happen overnight.

How could he be so impolite? Why can't he handle his emotions? Why won't he eat fast? Why can't he be more like this and that? Why can't he button his shirt when he already knows how? Why can't he read yet? How could he not know this and that?

I have probably thought and said worse than that list above... and how unfair and unfaithful of me. My child is learning. That is a process, not an answer. My child is young and still developing. He does not have my capacity for memory, understanding, empathy. My child is a child, not a little adult I can reason with at my level. My child needs me to see the effort he exerts, not nitpick on what is not yet done perfectly.

For shame... Mommy.

So, now... I try to check myself, in all the little things, if I am aiming for perfection and if I cannot see progress. And however subtly, I believe Yakee knows there is an extra effort being exerted... and he responds.

It hasn't been all roses since Monday... but I at least look at them with polished eyes.

(More on the things we talked about that Monday in future posts...)

Stories While Feeding

I'm sure I'm not the only breastfeeding mom who has wondered or thought about it. It's also more evident when I was away for several hours and my precious wasn't able to snack/touch base/recharge for a long time... but I feel, when he nurses at night, he also somehow tells me about his day.

There are times he'd just really suckle and sleep, exhausted from what he was up to the whole time I was away.

There are times when he wouldn't be doing a lot of suckling, but he'd be doing a lot of touching and sighing, as if to re-create me in his senses.

There are times when he'd be suckling like crazy, demanding from me, or berating me for being away for a long time.

There are times when he'd actually whimper a little while feeding, as if telling me how lost he felt without me.

There are times when he's just really playful, naughty and refuse to settle down... telling me he's had too much excitement when I was out.

No matter what he tells me, the magical thing really is the fact that breastfeeding provides me with these opportunities to reconnect. And again, what a privilege to be the one who can truly end his day perfectly... every day.