PBBC 7: Disciplining Our Children

PPBC 7: How do you discipline your kids?

I am just a neophyte in the art of parenting. My son is only turning 11 months old. That isn't to say that discipline is not yet an issue for us because it is. However, it's not yet time really for us to be practicing on our child because we're still in the process of disciplining each other and ourselves.

Yes, we will discipline our kids by disciplining ourselves.

Hubs and I came from different backgrounds and family dynamics. We react to conflicts and crises differently. I tend to make a mountain of a molehill, he tends to go in denial. We're still discussing, agreeing, testing and researching on a middle ground, so we can say that we raised our kids with thoughtfulness and leadership instead of just plain love.

Discipline is a tricky thing. It's not something that exists in a vacuum, because it is affected and impacts a great many things. It's not a closed captioning thing, where only the curious child will read more into our actions and motivations. It's not something that happens, it's not something we do, it's something that is. Have we, as parents, set goals for our family? Is it clear for us what values we hope to inculcate in our children? Are we examples of the kind of people we want our children to become?

Disciplining a child has less to do with how you reinforce good behavior, or punish the bad. It has more to do with a parents' leadership, how they exercise their authority and maximize their influence.

Parents who aren't disciplined won't be able to discipline effectively. So my hubs and I, we're still really struggling to be the people we want our kids to learn from and be like. It's not easy. It requires commitment and vigilance. It requires courage and consistency. It requires transparency and grace. It requires wisdom from experience.

If I raise my child eating only healthy things, while I myself binge on junk food, I still won't be able to say that I disciplined my child well. The most I can say is, I have misled him right, but I misled him just the same. We just simply cannot give what we don't have.

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I can't ever say that I am pro- or anti- spanking. I believe that it's a tool parents can use to discipline ther kids, yes. I can't ever say it is not abused, but I also won't ever say that parents who spank their kids are abusive and that kids who have been spanked are victims of abuse.

But I believe there is a 'right' way to spank, and that it works for some and in others, not. Same way that timeouts don't work for everyone or at any age.

I also believe that if spanking will be used, its best served to younger kids who still lack the experience and capacity to understand. Physical pain is something they can easily register and process. Appealing to reason is best done with bigger kids.

PPBC 6: What type of parent are you?

PPBC 6: What type of parent are you?

If you are a parent of new born babies or a first time parent to-be, what type of parent would you want to be?

My nieces started messing with my SIL's cake, using their fingers to get the chocolate icing. My other SIL egged them on, and gently reminded us that it's one of the joys of childhood.

I commented that my son would be deprived, because it isn't something am likely to allow in our home, since I love icing and really don't want food being played with. I further said it's good that they can enjoy that in their grandma's house, because MIL is more inclined to let them have their way with most things.

I realized that I need not deprive my son of fun. I could purchase a cheapy-cheapy cake he can have his way with,or have him play with his own slice (instead of the entire cake).

But there it was again, an indication that I would be strict and uptight. And I worry. I worry that I will always confuse good discipline with being strict, conservative and non-fun. And I know it doesn't have to be that way. I know cool, fun parents can still have unquestionable authority with their kids. Nay, the kids might even respect and obey them more because they are allowed to BE kids.

I want to be the type of parent who my kids will want to be with in discovering things, and when they're enjoying things. I want to be able to instill in them a sense of fun and wondrous. I want them to be able to exercise their indepence, creativity, resourcefulness and individuality. I want them to feel that they have a bigger hand in how their lives are being lived.

But I have much to learn. And I accept that I am only just defining what things I really value most, the ones I want to inculcate in my children, the ones I want my family to measure success and and happiness against.

PPBC: Baby, When You Grow Up

PPBC 5 topic is "What would you like your children to be when they grow up, and why?"

I really would like to have at least one of my kids to take up medicine because there aren't doctors from my side of the family. It would be great to have someone to get free consultations from, or at least serve as sounding board and check and balance for all the medical thingies that we deal with in life.

BUT... more than that, what I really hope my kids will do is travel the world more than I, and my husband, ever did. I want them to be outdoorsy, to go camping in several countries, to really immerse themselves in different cultures, to wake up with the rising sun from all over the world.

I want them to experience things they will get to read in books. I want them to see animals in the wild. I want them to see ethnic groups in their local settings, and to taste authentic cooking right from the hearths of other people's homes, in obscure and far-flung villages.

I want them to say they have lived and are alive because of all they have seen and felt and heard. I want them to be humbled by everything they will experience, because seeing the world will help them put things in perspective.

And lastly, I want them to travel far and wide and still know their way home.