Aim for Progress, Not Perfection

The title of this post came from something a Mom said in her book, "Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry by Katrina Kenison" when she was discussing mealtimes. This was shared to us by our main moderator at our Parents Circle Meeting to cap our Family Meals topic last Monday.

It resonated so much in me, because it is something most parents forget. Something I always forget. In all discipline issues, we expect learning and transformation to happen overnight.

How could he be so impolite? Why can't he handle his emotions? Why won't he eat fast? Why can't he be more like this and that? Why can't he button his shirt when he already knows how? Why can't he read yet? How could he not know this and that?

I have probably thought and said worse than that list above... and how unfair and unfaithful of me. My child is learning. That is a process, not an answer. My child is young and still developing. He does not have my capacity for memory, understanding, empathy. My child is a child, not a little adult I can reason with at my level. My child needs me to see the effort he exerts, not nitpick on what is not yet done perfectly.

For shame... Mommy.

So, now... I try to check myself, in all the little things, if I am aiming for perfection and if I cannot see progress. And however subtly, I believe Yakee knows there is an extra effort being exerted... and he responds.

It hasn't been all roses since Monday... but I at least look at them with polished eyes.

(More on the things we talked about that Monday in future posts...)

On Checkups and Checkups

My friend Judy shared to me that she brings her kids to Jake Tan and Dr. Cricket Chen. Jake Tan is an anthroposophist healer (whose brother is premier herbalist in the country) and Dr. Cricket Chen is a homeopathic doctor.

I have discussed going to the same people for Yakee's asthma management. Though our allergist has been great and pretty conservative with medicine prescriptions, I am really antsy that we're all taking drugs for months and cannot accept that this will be the case from hereon. There has to be a better way for our livers!

Meanwhile, hubs has just attended a free medical checkup with Sonylife (where we purchased insurance from). He suspects they conduct such so they can better estimate term insurance rates and their cashflow for their members.

Sigh. All these health issues are making me down... especially since I now have to nurse migraines for every period.

My Son, the Empath

When someone you know dies, you get confronted by your own mortality.

As I was listening to my SIL relate to me the last days of her mother at the wake, I would sometimes get misty-eyed thinking about how things would be like if I die when my sons are still so young. Would they be as hyper as my nephew was then? Would they cry? Will they also miss naps during the wake? Who will comfort them? How will my husband be like as a parent without me?

When I got home, I came home to a crying Yakee who has been upset for a while, moaning for me. That started his most recent "I don't want you to leave me" phase.

Yesterday, hubby and I attended the burial and chose to leave the kiddos behind so they won't be exposed to the elements and viruses anymore. During the drive, I couldn't help bringing up the subject of death... and wondering aloud if people would even go to my wake, and where I would have my wake, and where I will be buried. Hubs got sad with all the talk... and I guess, the thought of death weighed heavy on me.

When Yakee was upset last night, he cried and cried to me about not wanting me to leave him alone. I took it at face value and explained that we never leave him alone and that we take care of ourselves so we could come back. That was before dinner. I repeated the same to hubs within Yakee's hearing just so it's reinforced that his parents love him and will do their best to come back.

You see, it's hard making promises when we're very much at the mercy of fate.

Oh, we also told him that, chances are, when he's growon older and bigger, he's the one who is going to leave us behind... as he travels and tries new things, and mabe start a family of his own. And that's okay.

But... last night, Yakee couldn't sleep. Then he cried and cried again and it came out that he doesn't want me to die. I had to hold him close and tell him that everybody dies, and that I hope God hears our evening prayers to let hubs and I parent him for a long time. I told him that we all go to heaven after... and backtracked and said, we all start in heaven then God sends us on a mission here on earth, which is why we were born. Then, after our mission is done, God recalls us back to heaven. I explained that it's always sad losing loved ones, but since the loved ones go to heaven... they're happy there and will just wait for those they left behind. I also reminded him that he is in my heart and I am in his, so that dead or not, even if I wasn't by his side, a part of me remains with him.

Later on, he asked if he could play in heaven and I said yes... and he said he'd like that.

And finally, he was pacified. But it took half an hour (and much of me silently talking to his angel) before he fell asleep.

And when he fell asleep, I 'invoked' things for him :D (yes baby, Mommy is Waldorf this way)

I really should not be dwelling on morbid possibilities...

Natural Toys and Things

Like what I told a friend recently, I am embracing Waldorf education and parenting, but my sons still have mostly plastic toys. After all, I have invested in Duplo blocks and play dough molds... and they still have all those unopened ones.

But I am slowly making the transition to more natural toys. I have this wooden blocks and marbles set in my Amazon cart... and a list of toys I want for the boys that cost a total of over P20k. Just a list, yes, because I don't want to just keep buying and buying. Oh, I have ordered wooden castanets for the boys already (someday, who knows, their own wooden recorders and maybe a calf skin tambourine or drum) and a wooden top and some other wooden toys (like this one where you try to get a wooden ball in a hole). I am also thinking of getting this Anatex Magnet Express, in preparation for writing and better grip/fine motor skills.

Meanwhile, the boys paint more using flour and food color, instead of the usual watercolor made by artificial dyes. Little by little, we'd get to the more natural stuff. The important thing is that each activity is experienced and enjoyed, so they will learn :)

Stories While Feeding

I'm sure I'm not the only breastfeeding mom who has wondered or thought about it. It's also more evident when I was away for several hours and my precious wasn't able to snack/touch base/recharge for a long time... but I feel, when he nurses at night, he also somehow tells me about his day.

There are times he'd just really suckle and sleep, exhausted from what he was up to the whole time I was away.

There are times when he wouldn't be doing a lot of suckling, but he'd be doing a lot of touching and sighing, as if to re-create me in his senses.

There are times when he'd be suckling like crazy, demanding from me, or berating me for being away for a long time.

There are times when he'd actually whimper a little while feeding, as if telling me how lost he felt without me.

There are times when he's just really playful, naughty and refuse to settle down... telling me he's had too much excitement when I was out.

No matter what he tells me, the magical thing really is the fact that breastfeeding provides me with these opportunities to reconnect. And again, what a privilege to be the one who can truly end his day perfectly... every day.

Discipline Strategies That May Work For You

My friend Liv shared with us a link to a list of Quirky Discipline Rules that Work and loved the article.

We are implementing most of it already in various ways and forms. I generally adjusted my computer/work time to the time when they're sleeping (so, at night) or I forewarn them that I am busy with something. I am slowly letting them do chores with me, even if it takes a longer time getting accomplished. I am clear with most house rules and maybe about 90% consistent. When Yakee says 'he is bored', I ask him to clean our wall. He doesn't really know what bored is, he just liked saying it for effect, something he got from our niece.

But what I liked most about the article is Rule Number Two. See, it never occurred to me that I could stop working. I have always wondered how long till I can rest but never thought of setting a time when the Mom office will close (except for the breastaurant, but even that, I am slowly preparing Yamee to just sleep through the night and not nurse anymore after brushing his teeth) and the Mom duties will stop.

So, now I feel super empowered! Hopefully, hubby WILL be supportive in getting me to finish all by 9 PM.

One thing I realized too when I had my HALLELUJAH moment over that rule is that... the world won't end if the kids go to bed unbrushed, uncleaned or whatever else for a night. Because I know they would be more cooperative the next day (since the highlight of bedtime is story time).

Isn't that liberating? :)

Life In A Box

Hubby was in the mood to spring clean... and so he really went all out and even borrowed their office shredder. Sometimes, he would pause though, showing me old ticket stubs of concerts and shows we went to. He couldn't bear to shred my old letters, but just took a pic of his ex's letters then disposed of them :)

This reminded me of what a fried said they do for their kids. They don't keep ALL the doodles and pictures and old things, but they do keep some in one box. The hospital bracelet when they were born. The first foot or hand print. The first movie ticket. Maybe a baptismal certificate. A drawing or two, per year of life.

I told hubs that maybe we should start on those for our kiddos. It's a good thing we can really just take pictures now of all their artwork and 'letters' and projects and compile those in minute-size hard disks. Life in a box. When they grow up, they'd have some mementos but won't get asthma attacks going through piles and piles of sentimentality.

It's a good thing too that motherhood sort of cured me of my anal retentive tendencies.

Now... to let go of more things and make space for new... memories and activities.