This Week's Report

Yamee had his fussy nights again, which required me to go downstairs and put him to sleep there before we get to enjoy the cool air of the aircon.

Yakee got fever last Wednesday, and Yamee had fever Saturday afternoon. Both also had colds and allergic rhinitis. We were advised to start steaming and nebulizing again, just so they'd be ready for their swimming lessons. I have cooked most days of the week, and hubs ended the week with sweet and sour fish.

Yakee watched The Avengers with Pappie, and saw Mac and Me on TV. Yamee mastered the art of climbing ledges and sitting precariously anywhere.

Hubs and I sorted some of our things. I made Yakee wear an old sterling silver jewelry I have that hubby gave to me years ago. It was a key pendant on a simple chain because I loved keys then... and Yakee was able to break the key within an hour. So much for accessorizing him.

I have been learning to take charge of the home and the chores. Yakee has been eager to help, not always to my advantage, but he's also throwing tantrums a lot of times because I cannot play.

We have also taken to sleeping the afternoon heat off... which makes for super late bedtimes, but what can we do? It's just so horribly hot... and I can't make them nap with the aircon on because that might just make the allergic rhinitis/asthma worse.

Sigh.

But in case you haven't noticed, we survived. And hubs said, he thinks our meals are extra delicious (for the two of us) becase we know that we cooked it ourselves.

Surviving and Struggling

The heat isn't helping.

Yamee teething isn't helping.

Yakee being very demanding, restless, then sick isn't helping.

My eczema isn't helping.

My stress isn't helping.

This week, I have spanked Yakee two or three times because of how he is treating Yamee while I struggled with chores. I have spanked Yamee for throwing the weighing scale off the stairs in one of his late-night attempts not to sleep.

Last night, when both boys refused to eat, I started tearing up... and when hubby got home, I left them for a while to play Words with Friends while fighting back tears.

But weirdly enough, after asking some Mom friends to pray for me since I am really struggling, I felt a little better.

It's hard to remember that the reason why my kids are whiny, demanding and unmanageable is me. But it is. In the stress of bargaining with the errant helper to return the stolen goods and adjusting to a life without my cousin (who I really miss too, not just because she helped us out), I have forgotten that they actually pick up MY stress and get confused by it. Leading to mayhem. Chaos.

Hopefully, Yakee does believe it when I say that even when my temper is short, I do love him and his brother.

And please, please God... don't let them be sick anymore. Not only have we paid for the swimming lessons, I really want them to have that this summer.

Why We'd Be Back in Guimaras

Of course, we want to try and see other places. But I really fell for Alubihod Beach where Raymen Beach Resort is, in Guimaras. When we were there, it was private enough and the sand and water were just so clean, it was heaven for little kids.

hubs taught Yakee to look for crabs (those tiny white ones that make holes in the sand) and Yamee loved trying to squash them

we often forget (thankfully, I didn't) that it's easy to amuse the kids... just leave them somewhere they can explore and build

and I fully understood why a sandbox is pedagogically necessary in Waldorf schools  when I observed them and just let them be

Yamee expresses concentration with his lips

and this is the moment when he started a fascination with sand on his body

and Yakee... well, he's always loved the beach

Since the place was clean, the staff friendly, the restaurant food was great (for the money)... and they had cable TV, it seems like the perfect place to just let kids enjoy an unspoiled beach. Of course, where sand goes, Boracay's is still the finest.... but the area is also super commercialized already.

So, someday, I want to go back and just let my sons frolic in Guimaras beaches. Maybe they can go swimming naked again, haha, at Guisi beach.

My Boys and their Voices

One of the things that are really distinctly different about my boys is their voice. Yakee still sounds like a girl since he talks and shrieks in a high-pitched voice still, like a regular young boy. Yamee, however, interjects and expresses delight in a deeper voice. He only gets high-pitched when he shrieks at his older brother.

I wondered aloud yesterday how Yakee's voice will be like when it starts breaking in adolescence. Hubs joked that maybe the boys will switch and Yakee will have a deep voice in adulthood, while Yamee will have a shrieky one. Haha.

Well, I know we're far from days of myoripped reviews for image-conscious boys and I really don't want for time to slip any faster than it's already going (because my boys aren't babies anymore! sniff, sniff)... but I sort of can't wait for the boys to be actually talking, not just communicating through intent.

The other day though, without meaning to, Yakee said "water" again. Unlike his brother (who we may have been more consistent with), he's gotten to signing MORE for anything he wants, mostly food, so there's still a lot of second guessing with him. Then he said the word, then refused to repeat it again, much to his father's dismay (because he never hears Yamee talk).

Each child is different... but in the long run, may I be the kind of mother who teaches them to have a voice of their own :)

Rough Play and Boys

I know that in actuality, even girls can play rough. But well. my boys are typical boys... only, Yakee of course has a great advantage being older. He can easily make Yamee lose his balance, for one thing. And every little curiosity that Yakee wants to test, he does it on Yamee.

Yakee has had his fair share of tumbles but Yamee somehow having to go through falls from a dressing table stool, or the sofa, or the bed... or being caught in blankets, stuck in boxes or tripping on his own feet, scattered toys or his Kuya's limbs... all these break my heart.

Sometimes, though it's no one's fault, they both get carried away. Usually, we end up scolding Yakee to mind since he's the older one, and I know it's really unfair since he's also still only a child. Sometimes, after getting hurt, Yamee would have this look of expectancy for Kuya to be scolded or a toy be taken away from his older brother or for his brother to be made to give way for him... and of course, we also do not give in to that.

So, it's usually tears and wails from Yamee everyday... and shrieks and laughter from Yakee followed by some natural consequence.

It's exhausting!

What stretches me even more is when they insist that I be part of the rough play. It sucks to have two pairs of elbows knocking the breath out of you...

Rough play and boys... I really can't wait till they start wushu lessons... and take up knitting. Haha.

Music Gadgets and My Sons

I'm one of those who could remember a time when headphones weren't common and it was the height of cool to be sporting one. Then again, even cd players then were not really very handy to strut with, twas much better to have a really loud radio instead.

But now, technology has made leaps and bounds that even kids have their own media players. My eldest is allowed my old media player for his Disney and dance songs... and sometimes, we do let him use earphones for it. Only sometimes, yes, because I don't want to train him in tuning us out just yet, or get him so used to loud music blaring in his ears. There's plenty of time for C Tech Bass headphone amps someday, when he's really into different genres already and maybe even mixing his own music. Plus, it's good to share music. I have raised both in Beatles songs and I now also know a lot of nursery rhymes and songs. Lately, I have also introduced them to recorder tunes... and my son has made a makeshift lyre. But I know he would probabaly ask for an electric guitar first.

Well, so long as we keep dancing, right? :)

Levelling Up

I have to be honest, I've been a spoiled Mom. Not only do I have a loving husband who supported my decision to stay at home, we also had my cousin to help us out. Being older, I let her run the household and be in charge of the food and chores. She also played the role of a second mother for my sons. I trusted her and in her love for my sons... so even though we both had complaints, we were a team for our sons.

But she is leaving for Hong Kong tomorrow in pursuit of better income opportunities because she has nieces and nephews to support, and only herself to depend on. Now... not only do I need to take charge of domestic chores, I also had to open our home again to a stranger.

If I didn't have eczema on my hands, we could have maybe worked the setup out... but not having a regular babysitter would also affect Yakee's attendance to St. Michael as well as our other plans. And because we wanted the new helper trained, we approached an agency and got a new helper before my cousin left.

She was fetched last Wednesday, started work last Thursday, even endeared herself to me by taking charge of really watching and looking for Yakee in the playground yesterday... only to leave the house without her things, and with my two old phones today... phones I kept because I have not saved the text contents somewhere else.

It is so heartbreaking to hear Yakee pray that we find her... because he has attached himself to her as a coping mechanism to what he perceives to be a great loss... my cousin is his second Mom. He grew up in my cousin's care! And now this, betrayed and left by the person he thought to turn to.

And oh, I dare not think of all the messages I saved... from the time Py died, to reassuring words from my MIL when we weren't getting pregnant, or when I was on bed rest... thoughtful words from my mom and quotes from my friends... and the everyday testament to how loved I am by my husband...

The Mom in me is scared that Yakee will regress by wetting the bed and whining and being demanding more... and that Yamee's speech will get all the more delayed. I am scared that, out of frustration, I'd make the boys my emotional punching bags. I'm scared that I can't hack it once my hands start itching and bleeding... I could go on and on and on.

But thankfully, I perceive the error in my fears. I am not my sons' mom because I had help. I just am and our love for each other will prevail. And things changing doesn't mean they're changing for the bad... just the different. We will adjust, I know it.

May I just have the grace to see my family through.