Reinvented by Motherhood

I gave my first talk on parent-child relationship yesterday. I think I did good but there are lots of room for improvement. Plus, it was really hard relating what I had prepared to CICL cases. Admittedly, what I had prepared will work best for a two parent family with resources, not for struggling street families.

But anyway, the important thing is, I was really changed by motherhood. Now, I could relate with parenting issues in a level I couldn't before. Now I appreciate what parents must do, and how, when they don't, children suffer.

I have much to learn. I haven't even begun Grade One again yet. And there are much more dinosaur types I must learn, as well as arts and crafts and kinds of trucks. I still need to bring my son camping and watch him make his own friends, and fall in love.

All I wish is for us all to remain healthy. I don't want to see him confined in bed again with a pulse oximeter attached to him. I think that's really always the greatest fear in a Mom's heart. In a parent's heart.

But thak you son, for paving the way for Mommy's reinvention. I really didn't know I could be so much more.

Really At A Loss

I am really at a loss with my son's temper and habits these days. I really hate getting hurt so having him hit me with his toys, with his hands, having him bite me, kick me... that really gets to me.

I know I have not yet exhausted every means to teach him to stop... and I hate that he usually really acts up after I was gone... I guess I really need better time management so I can reassure him and reconnect after any absence.

Plus, I did something today that is only a little thing but it made me feel ashamed.

Weaning and My Son's Bowel Movements

I am positive it is not our imagination. My son's poop is really just more toxic smelling lately. Worse, his intestines seem to be adjusting to the lack of daily probiotics from my milk, thus the fouler smell and the lack of pattern. Even apples don't seem to constipate him enough to one or two poops a day.

Sigh.

And he's still trying to win the breasts back, haha. It's really bittersweet to be so missed. But I love our Sleeping Beauty routine in the morning, wherein I would refuse to 'wake up' unless he's kissed me already.

*~*

Was very grateful that hubby took care of him last night. We don't need home security systems too because hubby lurking in the shadows to scare me is surely enough to keep thieves away. Hehe.

Animetric, I Want the VNC Certificate!

This is my official entry to Animetric's blogversary contest.

I became a Mom around this time in 2007. Early February, I found out I was pregnant and three or so days later, I started spotting. And then I started my two-month bed rest. When I could go back to work, I wore flats because it was practical for my ballooning body, plus I really didn't want to be put on bed rest again.

After giving birth in October of that year, I kept wearing flats. In fact, I stopped wearing proper shoes altogether because I also stopped working. I also stopped meeting with friends or going places. Suffice it to say, I let my social life take a back seat to mommyhood. I let parenting consume me.

So flats were perfect as I had to carry a diaper bag, or my son, all the time. And staying home most of the time seemed practical. Trips to the mall and visits to the in laws and even travels out of town were all done in different casual footwear. Think flip flops and rubber shoes. I didn't want to invest in nice shoes that I won't wear, or buy nice shoes when I could buy my son treats. It turned out that I would tell my husband every two months or so that I am using the credit card to buy myself proper shoes, but I would always end up with shoes for my son instead. Or clothes for him. Or treats for nieces and nephews. Or groceries.

I stopped investing on myself.

And when wedding invitations come knocking our way, I give my husband grief for not having proper clothes (that fit) and accessories. It all became a vicious cycle which further depressed me.

But this year, I decided to reinvent the Mommy in me. I am still struggling with weight loss (or lack of it) but I have started being more vigilant about getting pampered. I have started buying more clothes for myself, even if they're a little more expensive than what am used to wearing. I have started buying more accessories. I even learned to use foundation and concealer. I have decided that I'd even wear lipstick at home, and that I will comb my hair even if I'm not going out.

I have recently succesfully weaned my child. And I have taken to wearing heels again to engagements I've set. Because I finally have a social life again. I go to sign language classes, I give talks on peer counseling and CICL, I attend blogger events and I go on dates with my husband. Heck, I am even going to give my first parent-child communication talk this week!

But I only have one heeled pair of shoes left. I have given my high heels and stilletos away before because I never thought I'd want them again. I didn't think I will have a life again outside of the home. I didn't think I will ever be this kind of woman again ever since I became a Mom.

But now I am this woman. And so I need heels, if only to celebrate how I keep evolving into somebody more.

Mommy and Son Went Shopping

Before going to Toys R' Us, I talked to Yakee and told him that we're only buying gifts for his cousins and that we're not buying anything for him... but that he can look and check out the toys if he want to. He agreed.

But twas Mommy who found a cute toy set... fortunately, even Yakee thinks that his new Farmer & Friends Dough Set is really cool. Now he knows who Mr. Potato Head is :)



But yes, Mommy is equally enjoying this particular toy set. In fact, i really love playing with clay with him :)

Looking Like a Mom

I now look like a Mom.

Unfortunately, I looked like my 27-year old friend's Mom. Grrr. I haven't received the picture in my e-mail yet but I really looked soooo much older than him! It's depressing!

Most of it is the weight gain, I know. But I guess I really have to update my wardrobe and look into night cream reviews already. I have been not-so-vigilant about my 'always looking good' bid for this year. I had vowed to always look as if am going out even if am only staying home. But when I stopped exercising because I was down with coughs and colds, I also stopped combing my hair again.

I hate looking like a Mom!

I should be looking like a Hot Momma!

Disciplining Blues

I know that what causes hair loss can be a multitude of reasons, like genetics, hair products, hormonal fluctuations and lifestyle. My Dad generally lost his hair from having to wear a helmet all those years he was working as a seaman. The heat was bad for the hair, same way that showering with warm/hot water can produce the same results.

Anyway, stress also causes hair loss. And I am at my wits' end with Yakee. At the Mass last Ash Wednesday, I resorted to pinching him twice because he wouldn't listen. And I didn't want to go home when the Mass wasn't finished yet. No matter how much I prep talk him before, during and after, he kept being a handful. And I was alone then so I was getting annoyed with all the kicking and naughtiness.

Then yesterday, I bit my own son. Hehe. Well, he was biting me a lot and we were at the timeout corner already and I didn't want to spank his bare bottom because he wasn't wearing a diaper. So calmly, I let him bite me again. Showed him the marks on my arm, and then got his arm and calmly bit him enough to hurt and show marks too. Then I tried 'processing' the experience with him till he 'agreed' to not ever biting again.

Well, he did stop biting me... but kept biting Ninang Gang after. He likes the reaction so he keeps doing it. Sigh.

And he wouldn't stop spitting his drinks. Arrgh.