PBBC 7: Disciplining Our Children

PPBC 7: How do you discipline your kids?

I am just a neophyte in the art of parenting. My son is only turning 11 months old. That isn't to say that discipline is not yet an issue for us because it is. However, it's not yet time really for us to be practicing on our child because we're still in the process of disciplining each other and ourselves.

Yes, we will discipline our kids by disciplining ourselves.

Hubs and I came from different backgrounds and family dynamics. We react to conflicts and crises differently. I tend to make a mountain of a molehill, he tends to go in denial. We're still discussing, agreeing, testing and researching on a middle ground, so we can say that we raised our kids with thoughtfulness and leadership instead of just plain love.

Discipline is a tricky thing. It's not something that exists in a vacuum, because it is affected and impacts a great many things. It's not a closed captioning thing, where only the curious child will read more into our actions and motivations. It's not something that happens, it's not something we do, it's something that is. Have we, as parents, set goals for our family? Is it clear for us what values we hope to inculcate in our children? Are we examples of the kind of people we want our children to become?

Disciplining a child has less to do with how you reinforce good behavior, or punish the bad. It has more to do with a parents' leadership, how they exercise their authority and maximize their influence.

Parents who aren't disciplined won't be able to discipline effectively. So my hubs and I, we're still really struggling to be the people we want our kids to learn from and be like. It's not easy. It requires commitment and vigilance. It requires courage and consistency. It requires transparency and grace. It requires wisdom from experience.

If I raise my child eating only healthy things, while I myself binge on junk food, I still won't be able to say that I disciplined my child well. The most I can say is, I have misled him right, but I misled him just the same. We just simply cannot give what we don't have.

*~*

I can't ever say that I am pro- or anti- spanking. I believe that it's a tool parents can use to discipline ther kids, yes. I can't ever say it is not abused, but I also won't ever say that parents who spank their kids are abusive and that kids who have been spanked are victims of abuse.

But I believe there is a 'right' way to spank, and that it works for some and in others, not. Same way that timeouts don't work for everyone or at any age.

I also believe that if spanking will be used, its best served to younger kids who still lack the experience and capacity to understand. Physical pain is something they can easily register and process. Appealing to reason is best done with bigger kids.

Mothering Kids with Special Needs

Once upon a time, I spoke out loud of a wish of mine to have healthy babies, and none with special needs.

I didn't think I can handle it. I still don't... but I have matured enough to know that had I been given one, i'd still have loved that child so much. Especially since, I may just be one of few people who will ever, really, love that person.

Meanwhile, I tell other women who voice out similar fears, or who are depressed because their child does have special needs, that there is some consolation to be had. There are now schools and specialists for these kids. People born with defects, limitations, disabilities... they can now enjoy a quality of life they never could before. More people are sensitive and responding to their needs. Heck, you can even hire cerebral palsy lawyers if you need to, and you'd know where to find them.

Because help and support is available now to parents and children alike. And more and more people are reaching out to them.

The Wrong Perspective

An e-mail has been circulating about an incident involving 13-year olds at Trinoma Mall who were victimized by a thief masquerading as a cop, who accused the boys of damaging merchandise at a sporting goods store. The 'cop' had the boys strip themselves of wallets and cellphones etc. as a prelude to a search, and ended up getting away with this loot.

The robbers and crooks of this world are sure imaginative and relentless. That's not really a surprise, is it? So I can't help but ask myself instead, should 13-year old kids be allowed to go malling with peers on their own? Aren't they, essentially, still kids and should still be supervised?

And it's not that I don't get a child's growing need for independence but I do wonder about the boundaries parents set, and the liberties we allow just because it's 'what people do' nowadays.

Can we really expect a 13 year old to be able to put his foot down and stand up to authority, regardless of whether he did something wrong or not, even if only to insist that their parents be called to be there for them?

I certainly don't think so... even adults lack the presence of mind and get swindled and terrorized all the time so why are we leaving our kids at the mercy of these predators?

And no, am not all for curtailing independence and self-reliance, but I hope parents do not equate promoting autonomy with forgetting that teeners still lack the life experience to think and behave as adults.

They need our guidance and protection. Sure, it'd be nice if society helps out, but that responsibility lies in us first.

And again, it's not like we don't know of the crime rate in the city.

This is the same contention I have for parents who let their kids run around with their own gadgets. Aside from giving in to commercialism, they just make their kids (and others) a magnet for crooks.

First At-Home Amniotic Fluid Leakage Test

This should give paranoid first-time Moms and high-risk preggos a reason to celebrate. First At-Home Amniotic Fluid Leakage Test is now available!!!

It comes in sanitary napkin form, with the test easy to do anytime, anywhere and would go a long way in assuaging a woman's fears for unexlained wetness during a pregnancy. Of course, it shouldn't replace regular check-ups and monitoring, but it should at least help relieve infanticipating Moms of more pregnancy-related stress.

On Singing Songs

My sister has kidded me that my singing voice has improved. You can now actually tell which song i'm singing! Yes... I can finally, finally carry a tune!

Chalk it up to having to sing songs to a demanding baby... which, when he's been bawling all night and you're breastfeeding-tired as well, actually compose of old melodies you know by heart and original lyrics by you.

Some Moms ad lib by humming. I sometimes do that too... but since I never really had long conversations with my child while he's in my tummy, and he never seemed to like hearing me read stories to him, and I read that babies who are spoken to learn to speak much earlier... I just compose my own lyrics and try my hardest to make myself rhyme.

Mostly I sing about loving him, that's why he should sleep already. Sometimes, I sing about how he should love me, so he better go to sleep already. Yup, my inspiration is kinda limited but since I only sing to my son when i'm trying to get him to sleep, one should be able to get the motivation.

*~*

A version of Hush, Little Baby worked well with my son when he was an infant. Then I noticed he was responding more to Do-Re-Mi from The Sound of Music. Now, he's into Don't Cry, Joni.

He doesn't care about the lyrics... only the melody. So, say am singing to Don't Cry, Joni... i'd be singing instead...

"Baby, baby, go to sleep
please, please, yes
yes, please, please
Mommy, Mommy loves you
oh so much
so darling baby
go to sleep"

Who knows... it just might be why he sqealed "Mommy" twice last Saturday! :)

*~*

On the celebrity front, Solange Knowles' secret mom talent is similar to mine!

To Be a Parent Like Him

The Backgrounder

A son asked his father, "Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?" The father who, despite having a heart condition, says "Yes". They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father is always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, "Dad, let's join the Ironman together." To which, his father said 'Yes'.

For those who didn't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island of Hawaii. The Father and son went on to complete the race together.


Oh, to be a parent like him. To have the courage to keep a child's faith that everything is possible, and his dreams will not be denied. To teach by example, to give hope to others as well, to continue being the invincible hero in your child's eyes even after he's grown up. To give your child something to look forward to, a purpose, a reason for living.

To be a parent like him.

A Baby Registry for Moms-in-Need

Celebrity Mom Nicole Richie is starting a Baby Registry for Moms-in-Need through the foundation she started (Richie-Madden Children's Foundation).

Quite a turnaround for someone who was drunk driving once on the wrong side of the highway!

Hopefully, local celebrity moms will take after her and use their influence in helping out others in need (instead of out-gifting within their circle). Actually, even a registry for hand-me-downs could go a long way... since rich and middle-class babies seldom really wear their stuff out (as they grow way too fast).

*~*

I have been passing my son's clothes and shoes to my SIL and my MIL's churchmate. Every three months or so, I go through his wardrobe and grit my teeth as I divide everything that no longer fits him, and everything he doesn't use anymore, into two piles to give away.

However, I keep forgetting that we do intend to have another baby (or two) so I really should save some.

And no, I haven't given away his stroller and rocker yet, eventhough he never liked using them. I'm still hoping that he'd be convinced that they're actually nice to sit in.